Sunday, February 7, 2010

Dread

I know of no better way to word it than that.

sigh

Tomorrow morning, as soon as Travis is on the school bus, Jay, Riley and I will begin the long drive to Duke. Riley will have a contrast enema first thing upon arrival. They are awful. The last one took about an hour and a half. They should only take about 15 minutes. But someone's a fighter. And can you blame him? Ouch. And when they begin pumping that radioactive fluid up his bottom, I'm going to be eyes glued to the screen, to make sure the fluid stops where it is supposed to. The free end of his large intestine may not be sealed up tight. That would be a problem.

And I dread this test. He gets strapped down on his belly, and they put a large (for him) tube up his bottom. He screams and thrashes about, and last time kept calling "Momma, momma" in between his sobs and screams. And all I can do is look back into his panic stricken eyes and just talk to him. And there have been so many times in his life, that this is the case. We have had to just stand there, and hold his hand, or sometimes, hold him down, while awful AWFUL things like this happen to him, and there is nothing we can do but be there. But time and time again, when they ask if we'd prefer to step out...the answer is always no. I'd rather him know I'm there, than feel alone.

So because his surgery failed last time, this test will have to be repeated tomorrow, to look for any potential blockages. And then after that test, he gets pre-op blood work. Which is another scream-fest. Oh and he can only have clear liquids all day tomorrow. And after giving him a little test of some juice today to see how well he'd drink it tomorrow....I found out we will NOT be able to give him juice tomorrow, so it's going to have to be plain old water. See the juice just goes straight through him, and caused 4 (that would be FOUR) bag leaks in about 45 minutes today, after he drank a cupful of juice. I'll spare you the details of how we finally (hopefully) stopped that vicious cycle, but I'm glad we found that out today, instead of tomorrow when we will be on the go.

After the contrast study and pre-op labs and paperwork...the rest of the day will be ours. We will have to figure out someway to keep Riley busy, and away from food (which means we figure we will be very hungry ourselves tomorrow also).

After all the events of tomorrow, we will return to Duke Tuesday morning for his surgery. Again, dread is the only word I can think of to describe the feelings about that. Last time, while we hated he had to go in for another surgery, and we were obviously worried about him, we were kind of in a "go-team" frame of mind also. We were ready to see it all put behind us. Never ever ever ever did we think it wouldn't work. That just wasn't something ever mentioned to us, so we had no reason to doubt the success of the surgery, we were just worried about what would happen between admission and discharge, health-wise. Even Travis seems to feel differently about this one, as last time, he was cheering that Riley was going to get rid of his ostomy, and I have yet to hear him mention anything of that nature about this surgery.

So no pictures tonight...I actually didn't snap not one picture this whole past week. If that doesn't tell you how heavy this has weighed on my mind, nothing will. I'm sure I'll be sending updates tomorrow, as things happen. If you read the blog via a reader, you should know that I added the twitter feed back to the sidebar, and I don't think that shows up in blog readers, so in order to see those updates, you will have to actually go to the blog page. Twitter is easier for me to send updates to via my phone,so that is why I utilize it during these times.

So...tomorrow, it all starts again.

8 comments:

michelle said...

You are all in our prayers. I will be home all day tomorrow with all of the kids, so feel free to come over and play if you need something to do. Scott won't be back from RI until late tomorrow night, so I would enjoy the company, too! Let us know if you need ANYTHING!

Michelle, Scott, Jason & Braden

Anonymous said...

We are praying for you all. Love and Blessings, Pauline

Anonymous said...

Praying and thinking of you all. Love Sandra

brad.kellie.babyc.lucy said...

Praying for your family. I hate that you have to do this again. It's funny (not "haha funny" but odd funny) that as I read the title of your post, I did a big sigh and then I read your "sigh." Dread is the perfect word.

Love you guys.

Anonymous said...

We are praying for you all, know that our thoughts are with you and your family, as i told you Momma if there is anything you all need please let us know . Be strong as hard as it has been, you all have been such a example for all of us, Oh and Riley puts us all to shame. what a blessing. Doris

Anonymous said...

Sending many, many prayers your way, to all of you!!!

Anonymous said...

Prayer is such a powerful thing and prayers are headed your way. Lots of them!!! Love, Debbie and Gary

CHERUBS CDH Non-Profit said...

Prayers being said for all of you. My cherub reherniated several times, plus a ton of other surgeries... I remember those days and that fear and my heart goes out to you all. I'll ask the members to pray also.

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