I know of no better way to word it than that.
Tomorrow morning, as soon as Travis is on the school bus, Jay, Riley and I will begin the long drive to Duke. Riley will have a contrast enema first thing upon arrival. They are awful. The last one took about an hour and a half. They should only take about 15 minutes. But someone's a fighter. And can you blame him? Ouch. And when they begin pumping that radioactive fluid up his bottom, I'm going to be eyes glued to the screen, to make sure the fluid stops where it is supposed to. The free end of his large intestine may not be sealed up tight. That would be a problem.
And I dread this test. He gets strapped down on his belly, and they put a large (for him) tube up his bottom. He screams and thrashes about, and last time kept calling "Momma, momma" in between his sobs and screams. And all I can do is look back into his panic stricken eyes and just talk to him. And there have been so many times in his life, that this is the case. We have had to just stand there, and hold his hand, or sometimes, hold him down, while awful AWFUL things like this happen to him, and there is nothing we can do but be there. But time and time again, when they ask if we'd prefer to step out...the answer is always no. I'd rather him know I'm there, than feel alone.
So because his surgery failed last time, this test will have to be repeated tomorrow, to look for any potential blockages. And then after that test, he gets pre-op blood work. Which is another scream-fest. Oh and he can only have clear liquids all day tomorrow. And after giving him a little test of some juice today to see how well he'd drink it tomorrow....I found out we will NOT be able to give him juice tomorrow, so it's going to have to be plain old water. See the juice just goes straight through him, and caused 4 (that would be FOUR) bag leaks in about 45 minutes today, after he drank a cupful of juice. I'll spare you the details of how we finally (hopefully) stopped that vicious cycle, but I'm glad we found that out today, instead of tomorrow when we will be on the go.
After the contrast study and pre-op labs and paperwork...the rest of the day will be ours. We will have to figure out someway to keep Riley busy, and away from food (which means we figure we will be very hungry ourselves tomorrow also).
After all the events of tomorrow, we will return to Duke Tuesday morning for his surgery. Again, dread is the only word I can think of to describe the feelings about that. Last time, while we hated he had to go in for another surgery, and we were obviously worried about him, we were kind of in a "go-team" frame of mind also. We were ready to see it all put behind us. Never ever ever ever did we think it wouldn't work. That just wasn't something ever mentioned to us, so we had no reason to doubt the success of the surgery, we were just worried about what would happen between admission and discharge, health-wise. Even Travis seems to feel differently about this one, as last time, he was cheering that Riley was going to get rid of his ostomy, and I have yet to hear him mention anything of that nature about this surgery.
So no pictures tonight...I actually didn't snap not one picture this whole past week. If that doesn't tell you how heavy this has weighed on my mind, nothing will. I'm sure I'll be sending updates tomorrow, as things happen. If you read the blog via a reader, you should know that I added the twitter feed back to the sidebar, and I don't think that shows up in blog readers, so in order to see those updates, you will have to actually go to the blog page. Twitter is easier for me to send updates to via my phone,so that is why I utilize it during these times.
So...tomorrow, it all starts again.