Thursday, January 8, 2009

Your 100th day

Dear Riley,

Today marks 100 days that you have been on this earth in person. That morning on October 1st seems so long ago now, and sometimes I even wonder if I dreamed it. For about 20 minutes after you were born, things were normal, at least as far as I knew. I would have never guessed when I saw you being wheeled out in the little isolette, that it would be well over 100 days before I would ever see you with out monitors or tubes attached to your tiny body again. In these past 100 days, you have taught me sooo much about life and love, by doing nothing more than living. You have taught me how PROUD I could be of someone just for SURVIVING one more day. There were so many days that I sat with you, and just thanked God that you are such a fighter, and that you were stronger than anything the doctors could do to you, or infection could inflict upon you. I laugh thinking of all the trouble I'm in for as you grow older, as I am quite sure I will always have my hands full with you little one. I prayed so many times just to let me take your place as I watched you cry out in pain from your poor inflamed and swollen belly and the necessary procedures that must be done to help a baby that was as sick as you, but life doesn't work that way does it? And there have been many hours spent in a tiny little bedspace cuddling you, or touching you or just talking to you, in hopes that you would know I was there and could feel my love and that would help you fight just a little bit more. Some days I think it actually worked. And oh how I missed and still miss your brother. In my futile attempts to stretch myself between home and you, I think he has missed out on a lot of mommy loving. But you know what? He's been so caring and concerned and understanding about everything. He just wants his baby brother to hurry up and get well and come home so he can help you open your Christmas gifts and see what all you got. I told him tonight the doctors think it will be this month, and I don't think I have ever seen his face light up like it did when I told him that. He wishes he could see you every day. I hope the two of you grow up to be close because the love that Travis has for you is just unreal and I am SO proud of him for choosing to love and care for you instead of being angry that his poor little life has been turned upside down since before your birthday. After all that has happened and been done to you, you still smile at the caregivers that approach you, sometimes you even laugh. You love to go for stroller rides and everyone says, "he's so social". The nurses often fight over you and park you in your stroller next to their station while they chart so you can have some company while they get their work done. It's been a long road for you, but you seem to be emerging from it all as a happy, content baby who loves to charm the ladies with his twinkly eyes and killer smile. You make me more and more proud of you everyday. So happy 100th day Riley Jay. I love you. Love, Mommy

9 comments:

Anonymous said...

Dear Lindsey, I loved reading your heart-loving letter to baby Riley...I know it comes from the bottom of your heart. And, you know what...sweet baby Riley could feel all your love, that's what made him want to be such a fighter. God will continue to heal and protect Riley. Love you, Pauline

Anonymous said...

Dear Lindsey, That was the most touching and "Mommy Love" letter I have read in a looong time. Everything you mentioned brought back tears and memories. What a lucky little boy, Riley is.....having a Mommy that never gave up, or let him give up. You helped him to have strength and courage, just by being with him, and letting him feel all the love you had inside. It does seem hard to believe that 100 days have had so many bumps and yield signs, but....Riley Jay is here, he is absolutely a charmer, and a sweetheart all rolled into one!! God has blessed you, and given you a treasure worth more than all the money in the world! You've given me my cry for the day, so now I will be able to get back to the daily routine. Thank you for sharing your beautiful message to Riley. You are very much loved and admired, for being sweet, and sooo strong. May God continue to bless all of you with happiness and love.
Love and Hugs to all, Dale

Anonymous said...

Just beautiful...

Taryn

Brad, Kellie, Lucy and Baby Carter said...

So sweet. I'm about to cry. We are so thankful that we met your family and hope to continue to keep in touch for a very long time. The love you have for each other is very special and you and Jay are great parents. We're constantly thinking about you guys and praying for sweet Riley.
-Kellie

Anonymous said...

Oh Lindsey, what a beautiful letter to Riley with so much love in your words. Sure gave me a cry, as I know you both are such wonderful parents and are blessed that Riley is such a fighter. He will feel your love for the rest of his life, just as Travis will too. Take care, Love, Debbie and Gary

michelle said...

Riley--No one should have to spend 100 days in the hospital--especially your first 100 days. I pray that your next 100 days are much more peaceful for you and your family.

Anonymous said...

Today is my son's birthday; 35 years ago! I too am so proud of him; how he has grown to be so strong and caring. So today, here is my prayer for baby Riley: O God, the strength of the weak and comfort of sufferers, mercifully accept my prayers and grant to Riley the help of your power, that his sickness may be turned into health, through Jesus Christ our Lord. Amen.

Fer said...

Dear Lindsay, I have tears in my eyes as I read your letter to Riley. I am keeping your sweet little man in my prayers.

Fer

P.S. If you want to visit our blog, please email me at maferarceamare@blogspot.com so I can send u an invite

Anonymous said...

Oh my gosh Lindsey that made me tear up. That is such a special letter for Riley to have when he grows up. I miss you guys and I especially miss you twinkle eyes little baby.
~Rachael~

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