A rollercoaster 48 hours

So I haven't updated tinely and there are a few reasons for that. One...I went home Tuesday afternoon and stayed Tuesday night and all day yesterday. I needed to go to my doctor, Riley was doing well and my mom came to stay up here for a few days,so she could babysit him all day/night for me. My quick trip home was good, definitly had its highlights, but it was hard on me too. Being in my own bed,while comfy,was sad. Right next to it is the bassinet Riley should be sleeping in. I couldn't go in his room at all. I went by my work (which is at the hospital he was delivered at) and seeing it brought back flashbacks of the day I last was their when he was transported away. I mistakenly drove past the helicopter pad without thinking and had to talk myself through the wave of nausea that hit. But, it felt good to be able to answer peoples questions of "how is he " with "he's good now". And that is when it hit me that he WAS good. He is finished with his antibiotics..they don't check his platelets routinely anymore because there is no reason to. He is just waiting for his next surgery, and trying to get the balance of his oral feeds/iv feeds/ and his stoma and urine outputs in balance. The term "dumping" means that when he drinks his milk...it goes into his stomach where there is SOME digestion. But the majority of digestion and nutrient absorption takes place in our intestines. Once Rileys stomach releases its contents into his intestine, it just goes straight out his stoma. So not getting much,if any nutrition from the milk. But,it can be dangerous because it can cause dehydration which can lead to other problems. So yesterday,due to dumping occuring the day before, the changed his feeds from a half ounce per feed to 6ml per feed. This is about a quarter ounce per feed. He still dumped so they added something called micro lipids to the milk to encourage his body to work harder on digesting it.After they did this,he began not wanting to take his bottles as well and even spit up after one mom said.
This brings us to my arrival here last night after being home all day. I got back up here at 930. It was so hard leaving home and Travis. I now know what Jay goes through every Sunday afternoon. Its hard leaving half your family behind. I was so torn until I hit the durham freeway. Then I couldn't get here fast enoough. So I got here and relieved mom of her duties and waited for the midnight feed and assesment. About 1145,he vomited. Nurse got the doctor who says no feeds and ordered an xray. Xray (about 230) showed gas in his stomach. This brought up conversations of strictures and other serious issues that could be occuring. After an entire day of sitting around waiting...the concensus is that the vomiting is most likely caused by the microlipids and basically he just didn't tolerate them. So that is good news. They are giving his digestive system a break for the rest of the day today as he's still heaving occasionally and we will begin pedialyte tomorrow. We will also be transferred back to our home hospital tomorrow. My original wish, before we really understood the full magnitude of all this and what it meant was for us to be home (meaning our house) by halloween. It wasn't long before we realized that was completely out of the question and truthfully and realistically, Christmas will be pushing it from the way it sounds. That is my goal. Have him home,as in our house, for Christmas. But,my first goal of Halloween insnt totally blown,he will be going home in a way tomorrow. He will be back at New Hanover. Which means I can go home.And be with the other people I love. And people I love can visit and be with me. He will be transferred back in about 3 weeks for his next surgery, and then be up here for a bit after that one as well. But at least this will make for a break in between.
I have had so many people ask me how I have managed and how I have done it,being on my own and doing so much post csection..and truly as I look back on all that has happened and how well I have and have not been at times, I really don't know how I have done it. My only real answer is it is amazing what a mom can do for her children.
Please pray tonight that everything goes as planned and Riley will get that ride to Wilmington tomorrow! He's still vomiting occasionally, but they aren't concerned. They say it is just from irritation from those microlipids (stupid stupid microlipids). Hoping that stops soon and he'll have a nice,peaceful and healthy ride in the back of a duke lifeflight ambulance tomorrow.